Week in the life

Taco Tuesday and Baseball Game. How to deal with being alone in a new city.

So far classes are terrifiying, I do not know anything about corporations, patents, and constitutional law and I am praying I do well on the finals. We have a midterm coming up for biz orgs so I am going to have to lock in and study agency law and partnership law. I am soo glad corporations will not be covered on the midterm. There is only so much law I can handle at once on top of learing about new laws. I had a source gathering assignment and a re-cite assignment for the journal this week also. I feel like the journal was a mistake, but so does everyone else. I am grateful for the opportunity though.

Also, I had to take a break from praacticing headstands because I had a real nasty fall and brusied my knee and landed on my neck wrong. My neck is still sore because I continued practicing the next day and put way too much weight on it. It feels better now so I am going to see if I can try to start doing it again next week after my Friday yoga class in Ridgewood. Yoga is the only thing keeping me sane these days. I am not good at yoga, but all that matters is I try and get back up when I fall. The most important thing is I am learning more about what my body is capable of and how to listen to my body. My goal is by next spring to master the tabletop headstand and the supported one. I am able to hold crow for more than 30 seconds now and my knees are closer to the inside of my armpits now.

Monday I had classes and just rode the train to and back from school. In between classes I did get some source gathering done and ate my lunch. Monday night I just watched Wicked (my new obsession) and outlined a little for biz orgs before my appointment with my professor on Wednesday.

This week I had Tuesday off, so I walked around the West Village and ran some errands, and then got some chicken tacos by the GUCCI store after completing some school work. I love spending the day in the city. I got the confidence to finally sit in a restaurant alone outside where people could see me and sat and enjoyed the noise of the city and live music play. No phone or book to sheild me. I had a little Carrie Bradshaw moment. One friday I’ll go to Cafe Nonnino for dinner and get some pesto and shamelessly eat an entire bread basket. I will do that maybe the day I got see Wicked For Good.

Wednesday I just had classes and an appointment with my Biz Orgs professor regarding some questions I had when outlining. I need to memorize it now. I need help.

Thursday morining I worked out and made some chicken tikka masala and did some reaading for FLS in the afternoon. I do not see the point of commuting all that way for just 1 hour but eh. It was about evaluating circumstantial evidence, which I do not need to do if I want to be a contracts attorney. I do not like FLS, but I do participate and put in decent effort into it so I can do well. I cannot afford another hit to my GPA. I need to do well this semester.

Friday I went to a baseball game with all the other members of the journals at our school. It was sort of fun. In a crowd full of people, I never felt more alone. I need to build more confidence and start reaching out, rather than wait for people to reach out to me. But then sometimes I think, if they wanted to talk to me they would come up to me. Why should I try to force something that they probably do not want. I should of stayed, but I never seen the stadium, and I wanted to see how it compared to Dodgers stadium. Dodgers stadium is better, you can see the sky better, and you have a view of the LA skyline. They all went to a bar afterward near the stadium, but two years in NYC without socializing really and the fact I do not drink I did not think to bring my ID. The bar carded upon entry 🙄. I went home afterward, which was probably best, I would of been there just akwardly standing silently sipping on club soda and lemon with ice. Whoever said law school is about making friends?

I learned to enjoy being alone in the city, but it is hard not to when I am around a crowd of people I know and feeling like I do not belong. I talked to some people, but it was just causal small talk. I have not had a real conversation with someone in what feels like an eternity. I cope with feeling alone mosty with yoga, and working out. I feel better afterwards, and it helps relieve my stress from law school and everything else. Music helps, I listen to Lana or Bowie on the train while reading or reviewing my notes. Sometimes I just stare out the window wondering “What am I doing?” and “Is it going to be worth it?”, especially on the train rides home.